You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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