So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
