***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
