It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
