at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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