That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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