I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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