when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
