All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
