is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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