Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
