I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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