I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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