well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
