Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
