Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
