bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
