He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
