my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
