obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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