We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
