She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize