I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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