One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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