She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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