Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize