dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
