dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
