Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
