i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
