So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
