So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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