new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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