Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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