If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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