We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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