youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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