So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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