I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
