I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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