im about as happy as oj after his trial
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
