you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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