I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
