I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
