There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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