I have demons in me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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