I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
