It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Randomize
