My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
