btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize