um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
