Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
