She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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