Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
