I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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