just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
