1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
organizing the empties. That sober.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
