nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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