You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
