Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Randomize
