i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
