That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
