Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
