if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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