Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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