yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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