In the future we'll all be gay
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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