with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
